My ever awake offspring never shall slumber past the early early early morning hours. She could have a raucous night of bed jumping and insane stuffed animal tom foolery and she will still stretch it out awake at 6:00.
I’m thrilled to offer up the ultimate solution for anyone else who is in a constant battle between their love for morning laziness and their child’s zest for morning craziness.
It starts with being able to send your kiddo off to the most amazing classroom each day. A classroom where within lies the best of teachers who keeps you on your toes and runs you through a set of exhilarating (read exhausting) exercises for the mind. Add in a few besties and you have a pretty content child at the end of the day.
After school you should really keep it going with a green cupcake or two. Did I mention that the teacher already chipped in to the effort and the sugar high is hanging on a shamrock shake? Good stuff man.
Beware of letting the kiddo rest. Grab those holiday themed beverages and be sure to get your arses to that neighborhood friend’s house where the kids can run to and fro with a plastic Doctor’s kit syringe threatening to give each other a shot.
Ensure also that the grownups can hang around the table leaving the children to their own spinning and chasing devices. You’ll have to stop now and then to make sure they’re not burning down the house, but you can do that while engaging in conversation that does not include any sing song voices or discussions about Minecraft.
Rinse and repeat until 1 am when you notice three little heads cuddled on the couch whispering in tired voices playing on the phone. That’s your cue.
Scoop up that kid, say your goodbyes, we need to do this again soon (for reals), and hightail it out of there.
If you follow said instructions you’ll have a gloriously lazy morning that stretches out to almost 10 am.
If only you could quiet the pounding in your head.