An Aunt for the Ages

There can be no words when the world stops spinning and yet they sometimes fight to the surface in such a scatter that it would make her orderly self cringe in dismay.  She would be grabbing each one, grunting, and placing it into its proper spot, with a typed and perfectly placed label. For that, alongside a million and eighty other reasons, we love her.

Love. Not Loved.

Because love does not stop when the world stops spinning. We couldn’t lose her spirit even if we were broken enough to try. If you take a glance around you will know that love, you just have to stop and notice. You may shed a tear, but my hope is that these moments will wrap your heart and make you smile.

When I go through photos and can find a shot of her with each and every grand-niece and nephew in the same nestling and nurturing pose.

When I think of This Little Piggy and “Wee Wee Wee, all the way home.” For never a little set of feet did she meet where that did not happen.

When you see any arrangements of brightly colored flowers or a neat precision cut expanse of grass.

When you’re passing a conversation and hear a sardonic and sarcastic, but dripping in love, response.

When we see a blouse of any combination of red, white, and black and strangers cannot seem to understand our chuckles.

When you feel the urge to purge or organize or label anything and everything, know that is her.

When you’re struggling with anything and you remember unwavering support and know that in your corner you have a behemoth.

When the members of our family hang their stockings this Christmas and every Christmas to come and know that each sequin was stitched by hand for over 40 stockings.

When I look at my daughter and see Ingi in her eyes and know that she will carry her name for all of her life, nestled neatly between the name that chose her and the name that defines our family.

When I see any crazy cat lady paraphernalia,¬†which may surprise anyone who hasn’t had the fortune of witnessing this craze first hand in recent years.

Each and every person who has had the fortune of knowing this lady is better for it. There are so many of these moments we all have to share, whether out in the world or in our own hearts. So please, think of her and smile.

I am grateful for the chance to be my mom’s chauffeur because as a result I have been able to not only help these two soul sisters spend time together but have been able to count my aunt as my friend. In recent years my memory bank is full of lunches, shopping trips, and craft shows. Lengthy emails, funny texts, and snarky conversations. My daughter has been able to build memories at Ingi’s house that she will treasure and for this I can only be grateful through the tears and have faith that our already patched and mended hearts can break and heal once again.

 

 

 

 

 

Passed the Past?

Somewhere between day one of my world shattering and day five, I headed down to the hospital cafeteria to secure some sustenance.

My mom was taken by ambulance from her home one normal morning. Her blood pressure was tanking and she was in sepsis. Had sepsis. At sepsis. I don’t remember how the ER doctor explained it. Either way, that was day one.

What ensued can only be described as world shattering as we watched my amazing and resilient mom go through organ failure and begin that ICU dance.

Five steps back, one step forward, two steps back, half a step forward. Whatever contributed, be it prayers, strong German blood, stubbornness, love, or miracles, we seem to have our mom back.

The road will be uphill, but she’s in the driver’s seat now. And we are blessed.

Which brings me back to my sustenance. One large bland piece of pizza and some cookies lay on my tray. I also scored a nice cold pop as the vending machines are those healthy kinds.

My body is in the first floor in the cafeteria, but my mind was up on the seventh with her. Until I saw this:

That part of my mind snapped back down to me. Could be it really never leaves. I groaned out loud and snapped a picture to share with any other deep seeded editors out there in the world. There could be so much to fix. I’m so glad I found the napkins as well.If you can’t find laughter when your world is falling down, you may never get a chance to rebuild it.

So Much More

She is so much more.

She is more than this machine, that machine, those machines.

She is their friend.

She is more than this tube, that tube, those tubes.

She is their aunt.

She is more than this count, that count, those counts.

She is their sister.

She is more than this test, that test, those tests.

She is their grandma.

She is more than this procedure, that procedure, those procedures.

She is our mom.

She is so much more than this germ, that germ, those germs.

You see, she’s still here,

But she’s

so

much

more

than

all

of

this.

She is our world.

And we would like her back please.