As Seen on Tv

Growing up, we were a tv household. Mind you, not a marathon binge watching tv household. Just your average football Sunday, cartoons after school, primetime Dallas kind of household.  As our family of five grew in physical size, busting the seams of our house, we added some of those magic boxes.

The lazy boy and helmet head Bears good luck charm got some primo lounge time. The head of the household got hooked. Hooked bad. On infomercials no less. As Seen on TV was the new king of our house. In all his three easy payments, best thing ever glory.

I don’t even remember most of the failings. I just remember that most of them ended in some lackluster way. Forever the optimist, more found their way in.

I entered into my relationship with my husband our first year in college. He lived at home. I lived at the As Seen on TV mecca that I called home. It never really came up. Then we moved in together. And I discovered that I could not escape it. I happened to marry a fellow soul addicted to that glorious promise of so easy, so cheap, so not worth it.

Most of these failings I remember clearly: the pet fountain, the slinky hose, the egg cooker, the turbo pot, the Snuggie, and the list goes on. There is one standout: The Sham WOW. The Sham WOW pretty much has saved my marriage and defeated it in one fell swoop.

I’ve previously sliced about my water-logged house. Enter the Sham WOW in all is resplendent grandeur. It sopped up and like a desert in drought, drank up enough water flowing in through the cracks in my basement that it saved my marriage in that we didn’t kill each other out of sheer frustration. It also has defeated me. Because all it takes is one success for the As Seen on TV addicted. Just one. And we are back to square one. “This is gonna be great honey, just remember the Sham WOW.”

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5 thoughts on “As Seen on Tv

  1. I feel a little badly that I’m laughing at this because I’m sure it’s going to be a cause of frustration for you in the future. I’m so glad to hear the success of the sham wow, especially because you really needed it today. My parents are addicted to QVC. They’re really only a few QVC purchases away from being eligible for an episode of Hoarders. I think as seen on tv might be better. Fewer products and they might actually be willing to throw some of that away.

  2. I was totally laughing while reading this. Although my husband is not an As Seen on TV guy, he does like to buy things on the internet that are a “good deal” I feel like the UPS and mail delivery person are always ringing my door with something i didn’t order and think we don’t need. And you are correct- it only takes 1 thing that was a good idea and the rest are forgotten. I love how you ended this piece- its ended but we know its not over

  3. This is super funny, Kim. I love that you took something kind of ordinary and made it into this – full of life and humor piece. It offers this really profound glimpse into your childhood and marriage – which is interesting cuz it seems like so trivial, ya know? This is great – I loved this piece.

  4. Laughing so hard as I read this! It brought back memories of some of the things my grandma ordered off of QVC for us when we were kids! Thanks for bringing me back to those wonderful memories….oh and the Sham WOW….genius invention!!!!!

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